Love in the time of appendicitis

After a stomach ache that wouldn’t go away I found myself in A and E at Rydygiera hospital on Monday afternoon last. At 8pm my belly was being kindly shaved my an even kinder nurse as I stuttered apologies in Polish for its largeness as a result of eating too much Pierogie Ruskie. Half an hour later I was speaking to people in green suits in the bowels of the building preparing for surgery on my appendics but not before trying to sell them English classes for medical professionals. Never miss an opportunity. I was just sorry I didn't have my business cards on me but then again I was naked apart from a very fetching smok. No-I am not Jewish. It transpired my appendics was inflamed and I should have gone to the hospital much earlier than I had. 

No more than 2 hours later I was staring at a group of surgeons who were standing around talking and sharing a laugh. 

Me: Jak Było?

Surgeon: Porządku.


Me: Duzy bole mnie brzuch (after the perfectly measured anaesthetic wore off it felt like a rabid vulture was slowly devouring my intestines)


Surgeon: Wiem (laughs). To jest naturalne.

Me: Wszystko naturalnie w Polsce ( very sarcastically)

Surgeon: (snort of laughter)

.....Out comes the morphine...


A friend who visited the next day told me he was full of foreboding when he heard I was in a hospital in Nowa Huta, likening it to something from the dark ages with rigid, putrid corpses being wheeled out as often as people were coming in. 
My experience in this hospital far surpassed anything I have had in Ireland previously. The makaron and twarog with a little hill of sugar was one of the more interesting dishes on offer at lunchtimes for sure. But maybe that was something to do with it being Friday and the fact that an ornately costumed priest always seemed to be lurking in the hall keeping sentinel on the kitchen staff and any attempt to put devil meat on the menu. He burst into my room every day of the 6 days I was there trying to force feed me communion. You have to commend the peristance of religion and how they try to take advantage of the sick. I nearly took him up on the offer one day but only because I was hungry. 

In terms of the care I received, the facilities, cleanliness and the diligent and dedicated staff and surgeons who work there-I couldn't have asked for more. I have a wonderful 3 inch gash in my gut also which I am delighting in showing off at every available opportunity. 

Life in Poland is certainly swings and roundabouts. As soon as you make a narrow minded assumption on anything, it has a way of showing you how prejudiced and completely wrong you are. I still hate Enion though. 



Thank the sweet lord for this ladder.